thefutureisred

Give Me Butterfly Wings: I Needed A Big Blog Break

Photo by e3000               

Sometimes death teaches more about life than what's on my computer.

After almost four months without a word from me, it's time to answer those gentle nudges of "Where are you?" What's going on with your blog?" I've been getting.

First, again, thank you for asking. I am grateful and, as they say, humbled that not only do people actually read this little red thing of mine, but even notice when it's gone. 

But it needed to be. It has become abundantly clear that I needed to focus on my non-blog life. 

The Catalyst

Or should I say catalysts, because it's rarely just one thing that causes change in our lives.

This past July while in New York, we learned from a friend of ours in Bocas del Toro that our old landlord Cher, a really lovely woman, had been murdered. By a serial killer. It almost sounds like a joke, but clearly, it's not funny. Not in the least.

Then, when I got back to Argentina after Burning Man, I learned that another friend of ours from Salta, Diego, had also been murdered. I don't really understand what happened. Apart from some vague intimations about it being a gay-related crime, that the murderer was an exotic dancer.... Quite frankly, that's when I stopped listening. Those details aren't the core of the matter. It is more that a really decent person is now dead for no reason at all.

It really fucks with a girl's head, you know?

I Wanted To Blog, I Really Did But...

I stopped writing soon after I heard about Cher's murder. Since then, the idea of writing about what was going on in my head just felt wrong, but to write about something else seemed forced and a waste of my time. I’d rather paint with Lila or hang with Noah or do something altogether different.

So that's what I did.

I Don't Want To Be Too Late For What's Most Important

With all the traveling, running around, trying to develop programs, meeting people and posting, I felt I never had time for anything. My life too often felt like a massive unfinished to-do list and I was always working to reach a constantly moving horizon.

If I continued like that, I would miss out on my real world. So I had to let go of the online world for a while.

My hits were at an all time high when I stopped writing, and I’ve watched them fall, fall fall, as well as watched how my connections with many of the people I know online have faded. That has been hard to see.

But I had intended give Diego a call and get together sometime, soon. By the time I got around to it, I was too late. I don't want to say the same about Lila or Noah or the other people who are most important to me. I want to be truly present in their lives and mine.

Making A Commitment To Real Life & Community

This week, Noah and I will sign the papers to buy a house here in Salta. It will be our home, yes, but it will also be a community center for traveling artists, writers and teachers. (And will be filmed for an upcoming episode of House Hunters International. We're even flying to NY in February to do some filming there.)

 

So far, we’ve formed connections with local universities and non-profit organizations. We plan to use the internet and social media as a tool to connect students between countries, allowing them to share their work with each other as well as with bring in international artists, writers and photographers, travelers and educators.

The goal of our program, though, goes beyond a creative exchange to an initiative to teach English, keep students in school and ultimately improve their economic prospects by connecting them with an international community.

We just finished our first semester working with 12 year olds at the experimental high school that is a part of the Universidad Nacional de Salta (la UNSa). Next year, we’ll work with the same group of students, incorporate online and gallery exhibitions of art and photography and are working to begin teaching at the two local universities of Salta.

Does This Mean We Will Be In Salta Forever?

It is unsettling to think of being settled. It is overwhelming, too, to commit to one place after being on the move for almost five years.

The underlying assumption of our program is that since it is based on the people, the needs and the soul of Salta, it will not need us permanently to continue growing. We are here until our work here is finished;then we will move on. 

Paper Mache Butterfly Wings and Walks By the River

Along the way of designing the project, I stopped to design paper mache butterfly wings with Lila. We picked dandelions by the side of the river flowing near our house. I stepped away from the to-do long enough to start weekly belly dancing classes with a really fabulous teacher. Someone who will be teaching as part of our community center.

And maybe, just maybe, I've learned a bit to accept that the most important thing I want to realize in this life of mine is how to be patient and not be too attached to any one outcome, because the bottom line is you never know what happens next.

In Answer To Your Question: A Girl's Guide To Traveling Solo

Last year, I asked for your travel questions. The first request was for advice about solo travel for women. One problem with that. I rarely travel solo, so I wouldn't be able to provide definitive insight based on experience. Until now!

Craig and Linda Martin's Indietravel Podcast has just published their The Art of Solo Travel: A Girl's Guide by Stephanie Lee, and Craig and Linda -- whom I had the pleasure of meeting last month -- were kind enough to provide me with a review copy along with an interview with the author.

Who is this book for?

This is a book specifically for women who don't have extensive travel experience, particularly solo travel.

"Siblings for their sisters. Parents for their daughters. Anybody who might be up for an adventure."

-Stephanie Lee

While the Girl's Guide is geared more for women, it contains plenty of solid -- some surprising -- information for all people planning on striking out on their own.

What type of travel?

Budget.  Stephanie's entire year of travel cost 15 thousand Australian dollars. Even so, she leaves enough room to treat yourself to a good dinner or spa treatment.

One of my favorite parts of the book is Stephanie's break down of what she spent and where plus another full section on how to save money prior to your trip and while on the road. 

What was most useful?

Her packing checklist. You'd think after four years of travel, I'd be a well tempered packing artist. Alas, no. So Stephanie's well-tried list of everything you'll need plus warnings of what you won't need -- no matter how much you think you will -- sang out to me.

My packing downfall? I am a total and utter product whore. I always think I'm going to need far more than I do. The bare bones toiletries list in the Girl Guide is extensive enough to assuage any fears I have that I might find myself out somewhere in a dry wind without enough lotion or lip balm, yet short enough to actually fit into one bag weighing 15kg or less.

I love that she includes one travel luxury item. Meaning, something we all know we don't really need and shouldn't bother bringing along, but we want to anyway. Hers is a hair dryer. Mine would be nail polish. What would your luxury item be?

What information surprised me?

I didn't expect to see a gadget overview paired with advice as to whether it's worth taking said gadget along. Here, she discusses laptops, e-book readers, smart phones, music players, mobile phones and digital cameras.

Another section I didn't expect? How and why you should use Google tools on your trip. I use Google every day for work but hadn't thought of how useful an iGoogle home could be for travel when set up properly with currency converter and translator among other tools.

I was also surprised to find a discussion of the types of bags you can possibly take.  Usually, it's assumed you'll be carrying a backpack. Discussion follows of what pack to take. Done. The Girl's Guide discusses other possible options.

What about Couchsurfing?

I often see people recommend Couchsurfing as a way to ease the burden on your travel wallet. And yes, this is very much one of the benefits of being on the website, but too often, people forget that Couchsurfing is a community. Stephanie gets that. "I had many experiences I would never trade for the best hotel in the world even if I could afford it," she says.

Because Stephanie is an experienced couchsurfer, you can trust her tips for finding hosts and being a valued part of the community

How does this e-book appeal specifically to women?

Stephanie discusses safety in a practical way designed to support your travel without being overly cautious or frightening. She mentions each of the countries visited on her trip and provides straightforward evaluations of comfort levels, ability to go out at night as well as what to do if you're feeling threatened.

She also includes an entire section dealing with loneliness, eating on your own and how to find community and center yourself when homesickness hits. For me, someone who is well traveled but rarely travels alone, those tips provide a brief glimpse at how wonderful the challenges of solo travel can be.

Any questions? Leave yours in comments below?

Or if you want the book for yourself, head over to the Indietravel Podcast Girl's Guide page and Buy It Now!

Couchsurfing 101: Ten Foolproof Ways To Receive Stellar References

The past two weeks our house has been full of couchsurfers. There hasn't been a single day with less than two people staying, One day, we had ten people and a hat-destroying dog in the house. 

Did I feel overwhelmed, overworked or the need to run screaming from my deeply invaded personal space?  Quite the opposite. As I looked around our place, teeming with people, I noticed little considerate and respectful habits of our guests that made all the difference between unpleasant and the crazy fun chaos that has characterized the last weeks.

1. Wash Dishes

Aracely and Jason of Two Backpackers spent over a week with us. They washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen every day. I didn't ask them to do it. They just did. Believe me, this is something every host notices and appreciates more than you can imagine. (And if I haven't said it before, thank you both!)

2. Clean Up After Yourself

This is a no brainer. . Don't leave your dirty dishes on the table, toothpaste on the counter or puddles of water on the floor. No one is perfect, and of course, you might forget or leave a mess. But one little thing won't matter if your general habit is to leave things neat and clean.

3. Let Them Know If Something Breaks

If you break something, immediately let your host know and offer to replace it. If for some reason you can't afford to replace it, still, be honest. I don't love it when things are broken, but it happens. I actively dislike it when people hide what happened, leaving me with a surprise.

If you break something in my house and don't take responsibility for it, believe me I'll mention it when I leave a reference.

4. Organize Your Sleeping Area Immediately After Waking Up 

This isn't a deal breaker, but it's a good habit to adopt, especially if your sleep area is in the middle of the living area. 

We had ten people in the house. Craig and Linda Martin of Indie Travel Podcast slept on the living room couch and their friend Angela on a blow up mattress on the floor. They rearranged the couches, put away the bedding and put the blow up aside, leaving us all more room to eat breakfast and hang out in the morning.

We also have a guest bedroom, and I tend not to go in at all when people are staying, so I don't care if it's a complete wreck. But when you leave, refer to rule number two.

5. Pitch In For Meals

You shouldn't expect your hosts to prepare food or pay to feed you.

I like to have lunch or dinner ready when Couchsurfers arrive, and I most definitely don't expect them to pay me back for that. But two meals, three, four? Couchsurfing is meant to be a cultural and personal exchange. Not a bed and breakfast.

Most of our recent surfers brought food along with them or we showed them to the nearest supermarket. Generally, we all shared what we had. This worked for us with this particular group, but you don't need to feel that you have to share meals or food with your host.

If you all plan to make and share a big meal together, though, split the costs and preparation.

6. Make A Meal

Also, not something required of you by any stretch, but when you cook for someone, believe me, they'll remember you. Ariella -- our first surfer ever -- made an amazing lasagne for us in Panama. Audrey and Dan of Uncornered Market made this incredible chicken with paprika, chicken and herbed cheese they learned in Prague from an Estonian living in Copenhagen who got the recipe in Italy. You can find the recipe in their Christmas Cookbook. Sally made Yorkshire pudding pizza.

Noah and I take on breakfast. He makes amazing omelets. Scratch pancakes and home fries are my domain.

Just saying. It makes an impression.

7. Let Your Host Know What You Want & Need

Don't go with the flow because you think you have to do what your hosts suggest just because you're staying in their house.

Ask for a towel, a map, the nearest supermarket and where to find the bus. If your host can't help you, so be it, but a good host shouldn't expect you to curtain your trip to their needs.

Believe me, I much prefer that Janine and Angela said no to going to yoga class with me in lieu of taking a walk around the central square of Salta.  Or that Danny and Jillian of I Should Log Off admitted they'd rather stay in Saturday night than go to a Couchsurfing event. (Turned out, we were also happy to stay in and drink a couple bottles of wine.)

That way I know when you spend time with me, it's what you want. I have no desire to play tour guide to the unwilling.

8. Play With the Kids 

Almost everyone who comes over spends time drawing or playing games with Lila. I'm not saying you need to be a babysitter, but you do need to acknowledge that children are also your hosts. When you spend a bit of time with them, you're bringing them into the Couchsurfing community and making it easier for their parents.

Lila loves having Couchsurfers because she meets new people too. There's a new audience for her she-makes-the-rules-you-always-lose games.

That, and being a host takes extra time and energy no matter how much you love it. When you help with the kids (or pets), you're giving your host more time and room for themselves.

9. Treat Their Home As Your Home

Ask where things go and put them away as you use them. Get to know your hosts routine and work with them as you figure out your own plans.

I tell all the people who stay with us to make themselves at home. They're welcome to take what they need from the kitchen. I show them where we keep the extra towels and sheets.

One wonderful moment on our busiest Couchsurfing day. I woke in the morning and walked into the kitchen only to be offered a cup of fresh coffee by Janine. That is a lovely, lovely thing.

10. Work With Your Host's Schedule & Routine

Check in with your hosts to see what they need, where they need to go. If your host has to leave early in the morning for work, does that mean you have to be out as well?  I don't find that to be necessary. I'm always happy to have people in the house, but I also appreciate when you give me space to work if I have a deadline.

Remember to communicate your own needs to them as well. If your host doesn't know you want to be at the train station by early the next day, they can't help you get there.

Mostly, Just Relax Be Yourself

I base my decision whether or not you can stay almost entirely on your Couchsurfing profile. That means, I'm already interested in getting to know more about you before you walk in the door. If you want to know what I look for in a profile, check out How To Pimp Your Couchsurfing Profile & Find A Place To Stay.

Overall, I like to assume people are considerate adults who can be trusted to respect boundaries and my home. With that assumption, I feel free to tell you to feel comfortable and at home. If you need some milk from the fridge. Take it. If you want a late night tea and a snack and I've already gone to bed, fine. 

What I've also found is that long time travelers seem to understand these rules almost instinctively. After all, it's not all that different from learning how to be respectful of new cultures and countries while not going beyond your own boundaries of personal comfort.

Learn how to do that, and you'll always find good references on your profile.

Got Any Other Questions About Couchsurfing? Just Ask!

Send me an e-mail or leave a comment below with any questions you have about Couchsurfing.

I'm still working on a post on How To Evaluate A Profile, particularly for big cities. This one is a bit tricky, because there are so many variables, but a post is coming soon.

Photos by The Red Project, Miss Rogue and Zieak

How-To Pimp Your Couchsurfing Profile & Find A Place To Stay

I'm working on a series of Couchsuring Tips. To be the first to read them subscribe to my feed in your preferred reader. Or subscribe to my RSS e-mail list to have the delivered directly to your mailbox.

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Couchsurfing can be daunting. I mean, how does one navigate the process of asking a stranger for a place to sleep for the night? That's why I've decided to take a page from Kelly Diel's book and offer all readers the opportunity to ask advice, tips or any questions you might have about Couchsurfing.

I'll begin with answering a few questions that seem to come up often. Then you'll have the change the chance to ask anything you've ever wanted to know about Couchsurfing.

What's my Couchsurfing experience?

I've been an active member of Couchsurfing for the last four years. I've couchsurfed as a family and alone. I've hosted tens of people and both created and taken part in Couchsurfing meetups in Europe, the United States, Canada, Central and South America. I even partied and peeled potatoes with the Couchsurfing camp at Burning Man.

I feel comfortable rocking up in any city in any country on this planet confident in the fact I'll be able to find a place to stay, a group for a drink or simply someone to give advice about how to find a bus to the next town.

I'm happy to help you develop the same sort of resource and community in Couchsurfing as well.

How Can I Create A Profile That Makes Others Want To Host Me?

Of all the questions people ask, oddly, this one rarely comes my way. But I think it is probably the most important. The answer is relatively simple, logical and can be answered as easily as one, two, three.

One. Be yourself. Be real. The more honest you are about who you are and what you want in a host or travel experience, the more likely you are to find what you need. 

Don't be afraid to include your interests and personal opinions. A potential host is more likely to respond to a request when your profile overlaps with similar interests. That connection can lead to a fantastic surfing experience because, believe it or not,you've dispensed with all small talk by reading each others profiles and can immediately get down to the business of having fun.

Two. Begin meeting people and building up your friends and references before you send out your first couch request.

When I receive a couch request, I immediately look at how many friends a person has and then read all the references. Friends and references let me know how invested you are in the Couchsurfing community. You don't need to be an card-carrying t-shirt wearing Couchsurfing ambassador, but I do want to know you're not just popping on the site for a free place to stay.

References and friends also let me know that others have had positive experiences with you. They allow me to trust you. If we have friends in common, even better.

Three. Make sure your friends and references are real-life, real-time connections. 

Nothing sets of my No-Surfing-With-Me alarm bell faster and louder than a profile with all or mostly online-only connections. On online-only friend only tells me that you've contacted someone through an e-mail or chat. Maybe you've even sent a friend request to someone you don't know.  It tells me nothing about whether you're a good guest or if you get along with people face-to-face.

I have about 140 friends on Couchsurfing. Only two are online-only. Both of those are people I've known for well over a year and with whom I have developed an actual friendship.

How does Couchsurfing differ from other forms of social media?

Please, don't treat your Couchsurfing account the same way you would Twitter, Facebook, Foursquare or even Linked In. While you're welcome to e-mail whomever you want for advice -- of course they may not respond -- the last thing you want to do is fill your Couchsurfing profile with a bunch of people you barely know.

I already told you the first thing I do when evaluating a profile is read references. If a person has tens of references, but none of those people seem to know him beyond a couple jokes and a drink, I still know nothing about that person.

But if you've helped someone lay down a concrete floor in their basement, babysat their children and cooked a meal for them, then I know something. Now if you've had similar interactions with twenty different people, I begin to get a real sense of who you are.

I admit, when I first began Couchsurfing, I did add friends in an attempt to bulk up my profile. We all do it to some extent. And that is a fine strategy for just about any other social media forum. Not Couchsurfing.

It's the strength of my connections that matter. You're asking people to open up their homes and lives to you. Many have children. Would you trust your home and family with someone you know only through a few tweets and a short profile?

So how do you meet people prior to sending out your first couch request?

Simple. Check groups. There's a group for just about everything, too. From women traveling solo to stamp collecting to families welcome and literally everything in between.

That's where you'll find meetings, get togethers, mash-ups, people looking for a coffee, for someone to share a car rental, places to volunteer. Join one of these get togethers. Get to know people in real-time in real life.

I joined up with Los Comelones in Costa Rica a few years ago. They meet once every month or so to try new restaurants in and around San Jose.  Randall e-mailed me about it, but he couldn't go that night. Since that night a group of us met for Peruvian Japanese food, Randall visited us. We've stayed with him in San Ramon. We've gone out drinking and eating. We've cooked together. He's referred his friends to us and vice versa. I've even written an article about him.

It's amazing where one seemingly minor e-mail can lead.

What else do you want to know about Couchsurfing?

Now it's your turn to ask anything you want to know about Couchsurfing. Small or big. Complicated or simple. Just ask your question in comments below or e-mail me with your thoughts, and I'll follow up in upcoming blog posts.

Photos courtesy of DaveAustria and Mike Murrow.

Sometimes #FollowFriday Comes On Monday: Kelly Diels' Cleavage

I read literally hundreds of blogs. From travelers to expats to writers to foodies to science and art. There are very few, though, that I read every single day. Kelly Diels' blog is one of those. This is one very good reason why.

Ok, so she's personable, funny. She's the mom of a six-year-old and the mom of a Layla. Two different kids for her, but you see the overlap? But I promise, it's not just navel-gazing that draws me to her site.

Recently, I've been thinking a lot more about guest posting for other websites. There are a few already in the works, but many of those sort of fell into my lap. They are also all within the travel-blogging sphere. I'd like to branch out and maybe write for a writing site?

So I began where I always do when I need an answer. I turned to the internet.

Thing is, many of the bigger websites where I'd like to publish make it very difficult to pitch your guest ideas. Some even tell you flat out not to bother because they only accept guest posts by submission. Let me also add, that if you are considering guest posting and run into this, ignore it. Submit anyway. Worst you can get is no answer or a no. But if you don't try, it's definitely not gonna happen. Not that I'm the best at taking my own advice in this vein, so let's just say I'm saying it as much for my own benefit as yours.

Anyway, back to Kelly. See, it already feels as if I know her better simply by writing this post.

I was becoming somewhat discouraged by the state of guest posting when literally minutes later the following blog post appeared in my inbox: Help! I Need Advice About Guest Posting!

In this article, Kelly invites you to post your questions about guest blogging. She then answers them from her personal experience as a regular guest blogger for Problogger, then turns to the many other bloggers she knows to add their two cents.

Basically, you get a free seminar on one of the most overwhelming parts of blogging that also allows for personal interaction with an already very busy blogger as well as insight from her community of bloggers.

Kudos, Kelly. I tend to be pretty cynical, and now you have me all moony-eyed.

My question? How do I guest blog for you?

Sign Up Now For Free Internet Resource Newsletter from The Future Is Red

I spend a lot of time online. A lot. Along the way, I come across all sorts of websites, resources, flight information, articles and many other things that I think are interesting and useful, but I don't always have time to blog about them.

I would, though, have time to put them together in a nifty little newsletter and send it out to whomever is interested on a weekly basis.

Is that something you'd want or find interesting?

Some examples of websites I've found recently:

Poisson Rouge Games for Kids: If you're watching it April Fool's Day, keep watching. 

Instapaper: Allows you to add a button to your browser toolbar. Then if you find an article you want to save for later, you hit the button. The article is automatically added to your reading list.

How to Build A Compost Bin: Now that we have more space at home, I want to start composting. This is one of the best resources I've found for starting the process.

Association of Writers & Writing Programs List of Contests and Awards: Calling all writers. Something to consider. Someone I met at Burning Man this past year just won one.

Volunteer Opportunities with Teachers Without Borders: While Doctors Without Borders may not be a possibility for the average person. This organization is. Their projects are interesting and accessible. Just because I'm in one place, doesn't mean I'm not always on the lookout for volunteer projects.

The Impossible Project: Just when you think the days of Polaroid are over, someone goes and back end develops film you can buy when all the current supplies on E-bay and Craigslist sell out.

* * * *

As you can see, the topics span a huge variety of topics. Photography. Web and blog design. Ways to organize your thoughts online. Volunteering and more.

If this sounds like something you'd want, e-mail me letting me know you'd like me to put you on the list and feel free to include topics and information you'd like to see in this newsletter.

Subscription to this e-mail newsletter is separate from the RSS feed to alert you of new blog posts. You will receive no more than one e-mail per week. I will never sell your e-mail information nor will I use it for anything other than this newsletter.

(I'm working on a form sign up that will make this easier for all involved. But since the formatting side of things takes freakin' forever for me to finish, the e-mail sign up will have to do for now. I apologize to anyone who tried using the form I posted earlier this week.) I'll get my so-called ass in gear as soon as possible.

Photo by WilliamCho

Why Did We Choose To Live In Salta?

There are many reasons, we chose to settle in Salta for a while. But really, the answer comes down to one thing.

Lately, this question seems to be popping up a lot. Friends, family, people I've met through this blog and even from Saltenos, surprised and happy to meet an American family who seems to love this place almost as much as they do.

We didn't leave New York City just to travel. We left on an open ended journey to find a new place to call home. Along the way, yes, the proverbial travel bug bit, making it very difficult to decide on just one place to settle.

So why, then, Salta?

The weather here is lovely. Never too hot. Never too cold. Salta is a city, big enough to find everything you could possibly want or need. Ok, maybe not maple syrup, but that's a small price to pay to live in such a lovely place. Still, it's small enough not to feel overwhelmed and overcrowded.

There's a well working system of buses. Wifi cafes and local internet make it easy to stay connected to the world outside of Salta, and it has an international airport making it easily accessible from anywhere in South America. As I explore more, I find unique places and people who show me a different way to view the world.

But really, it's the people here that make me want to stay.

People here use a particular figure of speech in response to a Thank You that sums it all up for me. You don't say You're welcome as is the case in English. It's not the French Je vous en prie. And not even the de nada you hear in other Spanish speaking places.

Here, they say Aye, por nada and always said with such warmth and meaning that you truly feel that you are indeed welcome, that whatever has been done for you comes from the heart with no strings and from a a complete and utter generosity of spirit.

When Noah was sick last year, our neighbor, who I barely knew, helped us find medical care. When we needed a place to stay but the apartment we wanted to rent wouldn't be ready for another week, Monica (again) took us into her home for that week while our new landlord, another person we'd just met, stored our stuff and drove us around town making it easy for us to make the transition to our new place.

I feel this open friendliness everywhere I go. From the person behind the counter at the one McDonald's in town to an accidental bumping of arms when walking through the busy Peatonal Alberdi -- one of many pedestrian shopping areas -- in the center of town.

At first, I didn't trust it at all. Fifteen years in New York -- home of the "Hey! Great to see you. I'll give you a call and we'll get together" then you don't get the call, taught me to that words don't mean what they seem.

Salta is helping me unlearn all that. It's a slow process, but I find I am more relaxed, more comfortable with people, less worried about how these social interactions will affect Lila.

Of course, it doesn't hurt that the cost of living in Salta is less money and of better quality than just about any other place I've been. There's lots to do and a great school for Lila. All the fruit and vegetables in the market here -- the fabulous mercado municipal on calle Urquiza -- has been locally grown. The wine region here is incredible. Travel just a half an hour by bus, and you'll find some of the most beautiful country I've ever experienced.

Nothing in life is perfect. I'm aware of that, and as easily as I list the positives, I could supply you with a list of negatives as well. Maybe another time. For now, I'll be a bit more Salteño in that respect and not worry so much about what I don't have and what isn't.

Photos by Morrissey and Juan M

Three Easy Steps To Break Through Writer's Block

FIRST STEP: Banish the words Writer's Block from your vocabulary, your mind and your life. If writer's block doesn't exist, it cannot affect you.

I know, I know, you're thinking this first step is useless, because it's merely a matter of semantics. Not at all!

Every writer has days when she sits down to write - be that with pen & paper or on computer -- and nothing flows. It is unpleasant. At times, it is downright painful, but if you want to write, you have to accept that those moments are part of the process. The Writer's Process!

Over the years, I've found that I feel the most stuck when I am doing something differently. And because whatever I'm doing is different and new, it takes longer, and I struggle more. When I finally work my way through it, though, I find my writing has moved to a new level.

Isn't that ultimately what every writer wants? To continue growing and developing in our craft? 

SECOND STEP:  Keep a journal. I've said it before, and I'm sure I'll say it again. Record your notes, thoughts, drawings. Put in images, photographs, anything that strikes you. Turn to your journal -- again it can be hand written, typed or computerized -- whenever you feel stuck. You never know what will spark your imagination to further writing. You'll also notice that notes you write haphazardly will begin to take on themes, will interconnect.

THIRD STEP: One powerful free writing exercise to help you move through the frustrating part of the process.

Disconnect yourself from whatever you're working on and just let go of it for the time being. Then, sit down in front of a blank paper or document and begin writing.

Write whatever comes to mind. That can be what you had for breakfast in the morning. Or how your hungry because you didn't eat breakfast. Or how stupid you feel about writing this stupid document and how you don't think it's going to help anyway. Set a timer and write non-stop for ten minutes.

THERE ARE ONLY TWO RULES:

1. Keep writing! Don't stop to ponder what you're writing. A couple seconds here and there is fine, but if you stop to think too long you allow the inner critic to enter.

2. Don't edit! Don't erase or cross anything out. If you're writing something and don't feel like finishing, just pick up your pen or fingers and continue on the next line.

I believe enough in this exercise -- one that i have used on the first day of every writing class I have ever taught -- enough to say that whatever you write in those ten minutes, will contain something to move your writing and your thinking forward.

If you don't believe me, I'll prove it to you. E-mail what you write to me, and we can talk about it.

So there you have it. It really is as easy as that!

How To Couchsurf As A Family

I'm always going on about how much I love Couchsurfing.   "It is a pretty damn cool idea," says just about everyone I meet, but, they continue. "Not if you're traveling as a family."

I'm living proof that it is not only plausible and possible to Couchsurf with your kids, but it makes for a far more interesting and fun travel experience. In addition, when we stay with families with children, Lila makes friends her own age.  She can play, learn to communicate in another language and generally have a lot more fun than she would have hanging out with just her parents all day, every day.

Is it Safe?

An excellent question, and the first question every parent I know asks. I say yes, it is safe as long as you carefully choose the people with whom you stay.

Couchsurfing has three methods of maintaining safety. I've listed them in the order on which I place most importance.

References: Each time I connect with someone on CS and want to maintain contact, I "friend" them. It's similar to friending in most online communities with the addition of information detailing how much you trust someone, how you know them, where you met them, and asks for details about your interaction.You also rate the person on a scale of 1-7 the level of your friendship. 7 is for a best friend.

Vouches: When you have spent enough face-to-face time with a person to know that s/he is trustworthy, open and honest member of the CS community, you can choose to vouch for this person. When you vouch for someone, you put your own CS reputation on the line.

Verification: You provide CS with a snail mail address. They send you a postcard with code. When you receive the code, you enter it into your CS profile page, thus proving you have a physical location where you can be found.

I suggest reading through CS Guide to Safety First, which covers all these things in more detail.

How To Evaluate Profiles and Choose Hosts?

My first suggestion, once you've filled out your profile as completely as possible, is to go to the Couchsurfing Families Welcome Group page. Introduce yourself. Post questions. Start meeting people.

The first thing I do with any profile is to read through the entire thing.I cannot stress the importance of this step enough. Then, I evaluate.

Does this person seem like someone I want to meet?

Do we like to do the same things?  Does the person have kids of their own? Does this person smoke, stay up late, drink a lot or do another things that I might not want Lila to experience? If you're not comfortable with the answer to these questions, you probably want to continue your search for a host.

I've found CS is highly self selecting in this way. When you find a host with common interests -- music, books, camping, philosophy and yes, children -- you tend to want to meet and will both be willing to find a way to do so.

What sort of sleeping space does the person have?

Most times, I won't initiate contact with a person I don't know unless they say in the profile that they have room for at least 2 people. Lila is still small enough to sleep in bed with us. Sometimes, a person has space for more, but it would require you to sleep outside in a tent or on a sleeping bag on the floor. If you're not OK with that or don't have the equipment you'd need to be comfortable, not for you.

You're judged by the company you keep.

I look first for hosts who have a solid number of friends and references. Ten or more is usually enough on which to base an opinion. I also make sure that those friends are people my potential host has met face-to-face. Online-only friends don't factor into my decision making at all.

Then, I look for common friends, friends who are well known in the CS community, people who have 50 or more positive references and surfers who act as Ambassadors. A positive reference from any of the above holds a lot of water for me.

I read all references carefully. While most people won't post a negative reference unless a surfer or host has done something that truly crosses a line, you will see patterns of behavior emerge throughout the references. If someone is argumentative, that will come out. If a person drinks a lot or stays out late night after night, that too becomes clear. These things don't necessarily discredit a potential host, but they let me know what I'm likely to experience when staying with that person. I make my own decision from there.

Where In the World?

We've Couchsurfed all over Europe, the United States, Canada, Central America and Argentina.

Europe, the US and Canada are full of families all with open minds, open hearts and most times an open room or an entire apartment you can have all to yourself. Most people will respond quickly to your Couchsurf requests, are clear with instructions and information and will follow through.

Central and South America, I have found there to be far fewer families. Often people don't have the same resources, don't have as much space and don't have a dedicated internet connection that they can check regularly. Potential hosts won't get back to you as quickly and are often more likely to leave things to the last minute, which makes planning ahead difficult. I've had more than one potential host disappear. In any case, it is always a good practice to have a Plan B.

Even if I can't find a host, I still e-mail other CS members and meet up with as many as possible for dinner or a drink, because you never know what sort of connections you'll maker.

What Do I Say When I Contact Them?

I introduce myself and immediately mention points of interest in common. You want to make it clear from the beginning that you have read his/her profile and that you are not just looking for a free night's sleep. I also like to be clear that we are traveling with a child as well as reiterate the dates we'll be arriving. If you're not entirely sure when you'll arrive, communicate that as well.

I never ask to stay more than two nights with someone I have not yet met. You all need time to see if you have made a good host/surfer match. Most times, we stay longer than intended or return for another visit.

I will stay with people who don't have kids, but I like to meet them first.  I want to be entirely clear that my host is 100% comfortable having a family with child staying. Many people include in their profiles the Children Welcome logo you see here to let you know you're welcome as a family even if your host doesn't have children.

Some Personal Examples!

Tom from Belgium: A single dad who has weekly visits with his daughter, Eva. When we arrived at his house, Lila hadn't seen another child close her age in weeks. The two girls played amazingly together, although Lila did have some trouble sharing attention with a younger child. The three of us squeezed onto the couch of Tom's apartment for two. When we left, I felt as if I'd known Tom and Eva for years.

Maryanick from South of France: I was initially reticent to contact Maryanick because she only had a few references on her profile, but that was understandable as she had just joined the site. She did, however, have a reference from Adam&Jaime who are long term, very experienced Couchsurfers with a list of positive references scrolling into the hundreds. They has stayed with her for two weeks and listed her as a "best friend."

Maryanick is a wonderful, loving and giving person who lives in perhaps one of the most beautiful places on earth, the base of Mont Sainte Victoire, Cezanne's mountain. Lila played with her two children, and our families shared dinners, walks through the vineyard and overall had an amazing time. I now consider Maryanick to be one of my "best friends."

Randall in Costa Rica. I first e-mailed Randall, a single man without kids, through the CS Los Comelones group -- a group who get together for dinners at the best restaurants in San Jose. I didn't meet him until a month or so later, though, when he and another group of Couchsurfers visited us in Bocas. They didn't stay with us but came over for dinner most nights and have been in touch on CS and Facebook ever since. More than a year after our first e-mail, we family-surfed with Randal when we had a stopover in Costa Rica on our way down to Argentina. I'm trying to convince him to come to Argentina for his next trip.

Feel Free To Contact Me With Any Questions or Concerns

This is a general guideline of how I choose hosts and also how I evaluate potential surfers to stay with us. You'll also find you'll learn a lot as you go along. So much of the process is common sense and trusting your instincts.

If you have any specific questions, comments, concerns or want to share your own experiences, I encourage you to post a comment below. Posting comments opens a dialogue with other readers in addition to myself and allows for more people to enter the discussion.

Of course, you are always welcome to e-mail me as well.

How To Pay For Two Years Of Travel -- Part II

Picking up from last Friday´s How to Pay For Two Years of Travel -- Part I.

When you have no choice but to pay for the night!

Sometimes, you´ll find yourself stuck and will have to pay by the night. There are always cheap options for this as well.

I have not yet visited a continent where you cannot find a hostel, although if you arrive too late in the day or during a particularly busy time -- such as Carnival in Central or South America -- you´ll be forced to turn to either camping out or a more expensive choice.

In France, Italy, Holland and just about every where else we stayed in Europe, we found we could trust in the quality of the places recommended by tourist offices, even if the prices seemed too good to be true. The owners are also willing to negotiate their prices if they have an empty room and someone in tourist information will do the negotiation for you. That's how we ended up at both La Beliere in Moustiers Sainte-Marie and La Matabone of Lourges. They were both new and thus empty at the height of tourist season. Both, I will add, were a bit out of the main tourist drag.

Wherever you are, don't be afraid to negotiate even if you're not fluent in the language. If nothing else, the negotiation gives you practice.

There's also the Etap chain - the cheapest of the Accor group of hotels found all over Europe. Cheap stay per night, includes breakfast, not luxury, but not bad at all, and you can usually get a room at the very last minute. Etap saved us from sleeping on the street more than one night.

Seek out advice from every possible place!

I consider this perhaps the most important thing you need to do. Start right now!

When we first decided to travel, we noticed that everyone and his mother had advice for us. We also found that many friends, family and even strangers had offers of places to stay, contacts in certain cities, and endless local insider information. It can be overwhelming and at times even unwanted.

Listen anyway. 

Someone might mention a job or place to stay for free. Having contacts can also help you immeasurably if you show up somewhere looking for work. As an example: When we first discussed traveling to Buenos Aires -- approximately nine months before we finally arrived in Argentina -- Noah contacted an old professor of his from City College who we knew had contacts in South America. He ultimately connected us to the place we´re now staying and working in Salta. It was a slow process, but now that we´re here, we have community in Salta who has helped us immeasurably.

I keep a Word -- or whatever text editor you use -- file on my desktop where I type down any and all information people give me. I make sure to include the name of the country or city along with whatever information I´ve been given. I don´t worry too much about order or neatness. When I want to find something, I simply do a search in the file for the country or place name.

Talk to other travelers. In most places, there is a circuit. Wherever you are, there will be a stream of people coming from all directions and destinations. You ask them all about how busy things are, how cheap, what’s the best way to get around, good places to stay, then plan your next step accordingly.Otherwise, I would never have known that the guy selling chicken sandwiches out of a trailer on the main street in Bocas serves one of the best chicken sandwiches I've ever had (always get the Jumbo with piquante and cheese.) Or that when everyone thought Bocas had been destroyed by earthquakes and flooding, I was able to let a friend of mine who leads GAP tours know that Bocas was indeed fine and open for business.

Again, Couchsurfing is a wonderful source of this sort of travel tips. As are TripAdvisor, Matador Travel, Twitter and Yahoo Groups (although with Yahoo, the personal profiles are more limited, so you don't have as much on which to judge the person giving advice).  On all, you can contact people directly or post in a larger group.

Get a job!

Teach English or another language you know.  Check out Nomadic Matt’s five part series on how to make money by teaching.

Make and sell jewelry or other crafts.

Are you a musician, a dancer, a performer of any kind? Do you want to be? While perhaps this is a bad idea in places like Atlanta or New York, where street performing and vending are discouraged, there are plenty places in this world who not only tolerate but encourage busking.

Performers and vendors in San Telmo´s Sunday Feria

Or you can apply for writing grants or art grants. You can start your own website. Sell your travel photography. Write for travel sites. Wait tables. Garden.Teach yoga or another skill of yours.

Brave New Traveler -- a section of Matador -- recently featured an article on 25 Ways To Earn Money When You're Broke On The Road with even more ideas.

Some last minute advice! It's all about your attitude!

You will be amazed at how open and giving people can be. Friends, family and perfect strangers have freely given advice, clothing, contacts, a place to stay or a meal. I, myself, try to be as giving. When we have a place of our own, we open our home, our table and our things for others.

My openness, however, has boundaries. There are always those who will take advantage, so you have to read, research and know what how much your willing to pay or give before agreeing to anything. That said, people have overwhelmingly helpful. We have had only one less than stellar experience, and that only involved the loss of some snorkel equipment and a towel.

Also remember that no one owes you anything, no matter what they promise. Don't bother getting yourself all worked up when someone offers help then doesn't deliver.  Instead, be patient, focus on those people who do come through and then move on.

I suppose that´s exactly what I mean when I say we´re traveling one day at a time. Each day brings new surprises, enchantments and yes, even disappointments. You take them as they come. It´s character building, and that, I believe is the very crux of traveling.

How To Pay For Two Years Of Travel -- Part I

If this is your first time visiting my blog and you enjoy what you see,
please subscribe to my feed or subscribe to my e-mail list.

And as always, I welcome comments and ideas. Now, onto the article you came here to see.

*************************************

I'm asked this question often. Are we independently wealthy? Do we work along the way? Do we stay with other people?

The answer to all three questions is yes.

First, we gave up or sold just about everything we had before leaving the United States. Apartment, furniture, appliances, all of it. We only kept what we needed or what was most important to us -- art, books, music and all Lila's baby stuff.

Then we put aside a certain amount of money and said we'd travel until it was gone. It's enough as long as we make careful choices. We work along the way, sometimes exchanging work for a place to stay. We have home shared, couchsurfed and learned to travel cheaply.

It is not as expensive to travel as you may think!

Long term travel is not like a vacation. You have let go of everything at home and thus don't have to worry about rent, school payments, gas, electricity, water, and all the other payments that keep you tied to a needing a certain level of income per month. 

We have two bills we pay per month. One is a phone bill which goes automatically on our credit card. The other is our credit card bill. We pay them both online and with the exception of our months in Europe, our monthly credit card expenses rarely exceed one thousand dollars. Then add to that rent and travel expenses such as buses, airline tickets, car rental and gas.

There's a lot to be had for free or at least very cheap!

Food: Local markets are the best. You'll find the best food for the best prices. 

Don't discount street food. Along the way, we've had crepes, empanadas, johnny cakes, tamales, bunuelas, cupcakes, the best chicken sandwiches on earth, fruit, vegetables, and so much else bought for pocket change. Often, this food is home made or made on the spot, and the people making it are usually local so they know the best places to buy bread, cheese, fish and vegetables.

Lodging: One word: Couchsurfing. We've couchsurfed for approximately half of our two years traveling. Sometimes, the three of us squeezed onto a small couch in someone's living room. Sometimes, we've had an apartment all to yourselves. If this is something you plan to do, create your Couchsurfing profile immediately and start meeting people. The more people you know, the more connections and references you have, the more people will feel comfortable opening their homes to you.

There are other options as well. WWOOFing, for example. Where you work in exchange for food and a place to stay. There are WWOOF options all over the world. Some are best for singles, but many are even better for families with children. Imagine staying on a small farm in the Andes with a family with three children. You'll tend the garden, learn to keep beehives and improve your spanish while living with a host family.

In addition, you can check out Home Exchange, Hospitality Club, idealist.org and Voluntourism. These are just a meager beginning of the options out there, but they are a good place to begin your research.

Entertainment: We've never found a place that was too expensive to find something cheap and unique to do. Even Iceland, home of the 40 dollar hamburger -- at the time of our visit, anyway -- had many very affordable options. Gullfoss waterfall, Geysir hot spring area and Þingvellir National Park are all free entry. The thermal baths to be found in every city and village of Iceland are also very affordable, even if you plan on renting a towel or bathing suit.

The best, though, in Iceland was happening into Halgrim's Church in Reykjavik in time to hear the gorgeous Klais organ tuned and played in our own private concert.

In Provence, we found endless candy and perfume factories you could tour for free or almost nothing. The Florian Candy Factory in Nice gives free tastings in their gift shop after your tour.

We've found most of these things while just exploring places on foot.  The feria at the Mercado Municipal on San Martin in Salta, for example. Or get on a local bus and ride around until you see something you want to explore.

Paying for a night's sleep is much more expensive than paying for a month of sleep!

We stayed in Provence at Domaine de la Begude for three weeks at a much reduced rate in the height of tourist season. We also rented by the month in Buffalo, Atlanta, Buenos Aires and Bocas del Toro. All far cheaper than had we rented by the day. In Buenos Aires, for example, you can find apartment rentals for 500-800/month as opposed to the at least 75 dollars a night you would pay at a hotel.

You also have a kitchen, which means you save even more because you cook for yourself. You also have the benefit of exploring the food offerings of local panaderias, boucheries y mercatos where you'll learn more about language, culture and people than you will at the nearest tourist trap.

Coming next week!

When I began writing this article, I intended for it to be only one entry, but it turned out to be far longer than I expected.

See How To Pay For Two Years of Travel, part II in which I discuss:

• Where to stay when you have no choice but to pay for the night.
• How to find work along the way.
• How to find the most current travel information for anywhere in the world,
• And some basic travel advice.

Also, some upcoming topics:

• What To Keep In Mind When Traveling With A Child
  
• Women Traveling Solo
• What To Do In Case of Emergency

In the meantime, feel free to email with any questions or leave your comments on the page. As always, subscribe to my feed to be informed when new posts go up.

So then, until next week....

In Answer To Your Question... Coming this Friday!

I had no idea AOL would be running their article about us on their main page, so you can imagine my surprise and delight to suddenly see my daily hits skyrocket.

Thank you to each and every one of you for your emails, twitters and comments. Some are old friends. Others new to my blog. But each one of you offered insights and asked questions that got me thinking.

In response, I'd like to share the information and ideas presented to me by many as well as answer some of the recurring questions I've received. How to travel with a child? Some Couchsurfing tips? How to develop community and resources in the places you visit?

I'm currently in Cafayate for the weekend and don't have access to my computer or any of my online resources. As soon as I return, I will begin responding in a weekly blog entry touching on the logistics of leaving it all behind to travel.

Look for the first one this coming Friday. My first topic: How exactly do you pay for all this travel?

In the meantime, please keep your questions and comments coming. I can't tell you how much I appreciate them. Let me know if there's a particular topic you think I should address or if you have a tip or idea you believe should be included by adding a comment to the site, sending a message through Twitter or emailing me directly.