Breastfeeding Is Creepy: The Middle Ground?

Earlier this week, I published an article on Matador Life titled Uberboober VS Formula Funbag: Choose Your Weapon. Who knew by the end of the day, I'd be interviewed by the BBC because of what I wrote?

 
Yes, it did bother me to hear Kathryn Blundell, deputy editor of Mother & Baby Magazine, call breastfeeding creepy. Why? Because it feels like a personal attack. I breastfed Lila for almost two and a half years. So then you must think I'm creepy too?

As I read more about Ms. Blundell's article, I began to see beyond the surface layer of words and to what I think is the core of the matter. We moms are too often put in a position of defending our parenting choices. Most times, it feels no matter what we choose, we will be wrong.

While still living in Brooklyn, I started a mother's group. Ok, it was for all parents, but rarely did a dad appear at our get togethers. We met for coffee, play dates, nights out, but mainly it was a place to go for support. In my two years running that group, I never once heard a woman badmouth another mother's parenting choices.

Common experience leads to common support, not discord. That is how it should be.

Then I Got the E-mail from Claudia Bradshaw

Claudia produces the BBC's World Have Your Say live radio show. She asked if I'd be willing to go on air and discuss Kathryn's statements.

Abso-freakin-lutely!

You can listen to or download the entire program on the WHYS website. It will only be available until next Wednesday when a new show airs and you have to scroll down to find the Breastfeeding is Creepy download link.

The Discussion Continues

Another woman speaking on the show with me, Morgan Gallagher, felt she was not allowed to discuss what she wanted. When she brought up the dangers of formula feeding, she was cut out of the show altogether, and thus did not take part in the African broadcast segment of the show. 

Since then, a Facebook group called The Final Straw, sprung up to support Morgan. They ask that the BBC apologize and grant her the right to share her views, particularly to the African population. Since she was not able to share on the radio, she tells her side of the story in her most recent blog post. You'll note in the comments, Chloe, one of the World Have Your Say producers and Ros Atkins, the show's live moderator, respond to Morgan.

I do not see the situation in quite the same way as Morgan. I tend to see a middle ground, but I would love to continue the discussion. Morgan has expressed the same on her post.

I look forward to talking more.

Photo by James Kendall of the Pistoleers and Random Duck

Comments

[Julie]

Leigh-

I look forward to getting caught up with your article and the BBC segment. In the meantime, I just wanted to say that the idea of respecting one another's parenting choices is one that I defend and one that resonates with me. When I was unable to breastfeed Mariel, I definitely felt judged by some other women, including friends, and the experience was demoralizing. No one wanted me to breastfeed my daughter more than I did. The frustration of the fact that I simply couldn't, because I didn't produce enough milk, was merely compounded by women who insisted if I just tried harder/longer, everything would work out. And that if I didn't, the health, intelligence, and very future of my child would be at risk.

The greatest lesson (well, one of them, anyway) I learned during pregnancy and in these early months of being a mom is that we each know our bodies and we each come to know our children in a way that no one else can possibly know. I respect other women's experiences and their choices. And I wish that they'd respect mine and other women's.

[Leigh Shulman]

I don't entirely understand the EBF only mantra that I hear from some. I am entirely pro-breastfeeding. I understand the importance of education, knowing the facts and the options.

But there are always extenuating circumstances. In some ways, when a mother decide not to even try and just goes with formula, it does make it more difficult for mothers who genuinely want to breastfeed but for whatever reason, it doesn't happen. Or stops early. Or is supplemented.

Even so, I don't like to draw what feels like arbitrary lines of who I will say can use formula and who should have tried more or harder or at all.

All that said, one line of your comment sticks out most to me.

"No one wanted me to breastfeed my daughter more than I did."