Couchsurfing 101: Ten Foolproof Ways To Receive Stellar References

The past two weeks our house has been full of couchsurfers. There hasn't been a single day with less than two people staying, One day, we had ten people and a hat-destroying dog in the house. 

Did I feel overwhelmed, overworked or the need to run screaming from my deeply invaded personal space?  Quite the opposite. As I looked around our place, teeming with people, I noticed little considerate and respectful habits of our guests that made all the difference between unpleasant and the crazy fun chaos that has characterized the last weeks.

1. Wash Dishes

Aracely and Jason of Two Backpackers spent over a week with us. They washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen every day. I didn't ask them to do it. They just did. Believe me, this is something every host notices and appreciates more than you can imagine. (And if I haven't said it before, thank you both!)

2. Clean Up After Yourself

This is a no brainer. . Don't leave your dirty dishes on the table, toothpaste on the counter or puddles of water on the floor. No one is perfect, and of course, you might forget or leave a mess. But one little thing won't matter if your general habit is to leave things neat and clean.

3. Let Them Know If Something Breaks

If you break something, immediately let your host know and offer to replace it. If for some reason you can't afford to replace it, still, be honest. I don't love it when things are broken, but it happens. I actively dislike it when people hide what happened, leaving me with a surprise.

If you break something in my house and don't take responsibility for it, believe me I'll mention it when I leave a reference.

4. Organize Your Sleeping Area Immediately After Waking Up 

This isn't a deal breaker, but it's a good habit to adopt, especially if your sleep area is in the middle of the living area. 

We had ten people in the house. Craig and Linda Martin of Indie Travel Podcast slept on the living room couch and their friend Angela on a blow up mattress on the floor. They rearranged the couches, put away the bedding and put the blow up aside, leaving us all more room to eat breakfast and hang out in the morning.

We also have a guest bedroom, and I tend not to go in at all when people are staying, so I don't care if it's a complete wreck. But when you leave, refer to rule number two.

5. Pitch In For Meals

You shouldn't expect your hosts to prepare food or pay to feed you.

I like to have lunch or dinner ready when Couchsurfers arrive, and I most definitely don't expect them to pay me back for that. But two meals, three, four? Couchsurfing is meant to be a cultural and personal exchange. Not a bed and breakfast.

Most of our recent surfers brought food along with them or we showed them to the nearest supermarket. Generally, we all shared what we had. This worked for us with this particular group, but you don't need to feel that you have to share meals or food with your host.

If you all plan to make and share a big meal together, though, split the costs and preparation.

6. Make A Meal

Also, not something required of you by any stretch, but when you cook for someone, believe me, they'll remember you. Ariella -- our first surfer ever -- made an amazing lasagne for us in Panama. Audrey and Dan of Uncornered Market made this incredible chicken with paprika, chicken and herbed cheese they learned in Prague from an Estonian living in Copenhagen who got the recipe in Italy. You can find the recipe in their Christmas Cookbook. Sally made Yorkshire pudding pizza.

Noah and I take on breakfast. He makes amazing omelets. Scratch pancakes and home fries are my domain.

Just saying. It makes an impression.

7. Let Your Host Know What You Want & Need

Don't go with the flow because you think you have to do what your hosts suggest just because you're staying in their house.

Ask for a towel, a map, the nearest supermarket and where to find the bus. If your host can't help you, so be it, but a good host shouldn't expect you to curtain your trip to their needs.

Believe me, I much prefer that Janine and Angela said no to going to yoga class with me in lieu of taking a walk around the central square of Salta.  Or that Danny and Jillian of I Should Log Off admitted they'd rather stay in Saturday night than go to a Couchsurfing event. (Turned out, we were also happy to stay in and drink a couple bottles of wine.)

That way I know when you spend time with me, it's what you want. I have no desire to play tour guide to the unwilling.

8. Play With the Kids 

Almost everyone who comes over spends time drawing or playing games with Lila. I'm not saying you need to be a babysitter, but you do need to acknowledge that children are also your hosts. When you spend a bit of time with them, you're bringing them into the Couchsurfing community and making it easier for their parents.

Lila loves having Couchsurfers because she meets new people too. There's a new audience for her she-makes-the-rules-you-always-lose games.

That, and being a host takes extra time and energy no matter how much you love it. When you help with the kids (or pets), you're giving your host more time and room for themselves.

9. Treat Their Home As Your Home

Ask where things go and put them away as you use them. Get to know your hosts routine and work with them as you figure out your own plans.

I tell all the people who stay with us to make themselves at home. They're welcome to take what they need from the kitchen. I show them where we keep the extra towels and sheets.

One wonderful moment on our busiest Couchsurfing day. I woke in the morning and walked into the kitchen only to be offered a cup of fresh coffee by Janine. That is a lovely, lovely thing.

10. Work With Your Host's Schedule & Routine

Check in with your hosts to see what they need, where they need to go. If your host has to leave early in the morning for work, does that mean you have to be out as well?  I don't find that to be necessary. I'm always happy to have people in the house, but I also appreciate when you give me space to work if I have a deadline.

Remember to communicate your own needs to them as well. If your host doesn't know you want to be at the train station by early the next day, they can't help you get there.

Mostly, Just Relax Be Yourself

I base my decision whether or not you can stay almost entirely on your Couchsurfing profile. That means, I'm already interested in getting to know more about you before you walk in the door. If you want to know what I look for in a profile, check out How To Pimp Your Couchsurfing Profile & Find A Place To Stay.

Overall, I like to assume people are considerate adults who can be trusted to respect boundaries and my home. With that assumption, I feel free to tell you to feel comfortable and at home. If you need some milk from the fridge. Take it. If you want a late night tea and a snack and I've already gone to bed, fine. 

What I've also found is that long time travelers seem to understand these rules almost instinctively. After all, it's not all that different from learning how to be respectful of new cultures and countries while not going beyond your own boundaries of personal comfort.

Learn how to do that, and you'll always find good references on your profile.

Got Any Other Questions About Couchsurfing? Just Ask!

Send me an e-mail or leave a comment below with any questions you have about Couchsurfing.

I'm still working on a post on How To Evaluate A Profile, particularly for big cities. This one is a bit tricky, because there are so many variables, but a post is coming soon.

Photos by The Red Project, Miss Rogue and Zieak

Comments

[Sophie]

Couchsurfing is beginning to sound quite appealing; like a fun way to see a new place. Do people couchsurf with kids much?

[Leigh Shulman]

Definitely!

There's an entire Families Welcome group of people who are happy to have you and your kids stay.

Some of those people have kids of their own. Some don't. I've had amazing luck finding people all over the US and in Europe.

Once you meet people, though, and get to know them, they're usually more willing to have you stay in their house with kids even if they're not specifically part of the Families Welcome group.

I wrote a post on How To Couchsurf As A Family, but I think it could probably use a follow up.

[boon]

couchsurfing rules...they r just the same 'rules' that any considerate person would apply anywhere!!

thats probably why its such a rare thing..cos there arent that many considerate people around...

we have a friend, not even a stranger as couchsurfers start off as, who visits us enroute with his business, who doesnt think of putting his hands to his wallet when we go for meals...and very easily helps to finish a bottle of our best whiskey..

it has nothing to do with affordability...its DNA!!!...some people are just made that way!!!

my family knows i get rattled everytime our friend visits...i cant help myself...

i can be most generous...but when its one way...i start to feel 'used'

im not really looking for huge recompense...im only looking for gestures...even if u pretend to put your hand in your pocket when its time to pay...knowing me..i would grab the bill and insist i paid anyways!!!!

not even a gesture!!!!

am i having a good moan? perhaps...haha

the problem with consideration and common sense is that it isnt very common...

and when we meet those with it...it is so wonderful...the few redeeming the many...

thanks again for your usual entertaining and enlightening blogs...

till the next one...

ps. i will have to forward these couchsurfer rules to our children!!!! they need reminding every now and then!!!!

pps. we went on a retreat to a Poor Clares Monastery in north London...it was an overwhelming experience..silence and simplicity..a perfect escape from our world of chaos...have u tried it?

[Candice]

Alright, totally sprucing up my CS profile later today. This is awesome.

[Leigh Shulman]

I haven't been to Poor Clare's Monastery, but I do like the idea of going to a place of complete silence.

Glad you liked this post. And I agree, much of what I said is sort of common sense. But you know what they say about common sense.

[Leigh Shulman]

I'm so glad this post makes Couchsurfing sound appealing. I thought it possible a list of rules might turn people off a bit.

[Erica]

Such great advice! I'm just starting to get involved in the Couchsurfing scene, but this definitely helps me know what to expect when staying at someone's house.

Thank you so much for your advice. :)

[Craig]

Great write-up, Leigh. I'm definitely going to be pushing this around our Couchsurfing contacts. And thanks, once again, for a wonderful stay.

[brian @ nodebtworldtravel.com]

I think you summed it up nicely in this article. Be respectful, proactive and accommodating, even in someone else's house and you'll be well known as a great Couchsurfing hostee.

I think so many think about the free aspect of the relationship that they take it for granted. Do more and be more than you're expected to be in someone's home and you're going to have friends for life.

[Steph]

I couchsurfed for more than 6 months entirely supported by this community. I always buy beer for the fridge, and one host was so surprised when I stocked her fridge with milk and eggs, as her previous guests never contributed to anything. Like you said, it's common courtesy, and these little gestures make you a worthy couchsurfer to host all over the world.

[Leigh Shulman]

Hey Erica,

I'm glad you found this helpful. Let me know how it turns out for you (although after reading your blog and getting to know you a bit, I'm sure it'll be great).

[Leigh Shulman]

Thanks, Craig, both for the comment and for spreading around this post.

It was wonderful having you here. Very mellow, and so great having the opportunity to get to know you.

And I wear my Indietravel Podcast t-shirt often, now. I love it!

[Leigh Shulman]

When we first started Couchsurfing, I had a hard time getting past "Why would someone do this?" Meaning, why would a stranger open up their home to another stranger.

It's something that's very difficult to answer if you haven't experienced it yourself.

I very quickly learned, though, that the connections you make with other people are unique and quite wonderful. Because when the think you have in common is the desire to want to be hospitable, you already know each other very well.

So, Brian, when are you headed our way? :)

[Leigh Shulman]

That is a very lovely thing to do, and thanks for adding that as a possibility.

It's particularly great when you've spent some time with a person, you know them and what they like to have in the fridge and then can surprise them.

It's quite an art to know how to be the sort of guest who makes a host happy to come home and sad when you leave. (Which is another CS lesson, how to get used to saying goodbye all the time. But that is something else.)

[Andy Hayes]

These are great tips - I think they apply even if you're just visiting relatives, but yes, you did have quite a houseful :-)

[Sarahvnyc]

This is a great post - I came here from your "How to Pimp Your Profile" post, which was also a great perspective. I only found out about CS just before I trip I was taking, so I didn't have time to pimp my own, but I took advantage of those generous souls who would take me in to try to beef it up as I went. I always like to get other pov's on what a good "traveller" is, so thanks!

[Leigh Shulman]

Hey Sarah,

Glad you liked this post. I've been thinking lately of a How To Be A Good Guest post, too. We just had about 8 people staying with us, and it only worked because everyone was helpful, mellow and great to be around.

I'm following you on Twitter now, too. Thanks for the comment!