The Downside of the Adventurous Life of Travel

There's an unspoken rule of travelers. You don't talk about the difficulty of long term travel. You can bitch and moan a bit about lost luggage or stolen wallets, but it is verboten to say you're tired, isolated and maybe, just maybe, the idea of chucking it all and going home has crossed your mind.

But admit it or not, everyone, everyone feels that way at some point. Yesterday was that day for me.

My parents visited us this month to be here for Lila's fifth birthday. They flew back Sunday evening, arrived in Atlanta Monday morning. I didn't hear from them, but considering we have limited internet and phone access, I didn't think much of it.

Around 4pm, I get an email from Noah's aunt. "Have you heard about this?" she asked. Turns out, my dad was rushed by ambulance straight from his seat on the airplane to the hospital. They didn't even have time to get their luggage.

My dad hasn't been well for a while now. A couple years ago after what seemed to be a routine operation on a torn rotator cuff, my dad emerged from anesthesia to find that his pituitary gland no longer functioned. It sounds so simple, doesn't it. This tiny little gland, the size of a pea, who could imagine what a difference it makes to your body? Without it, the body cannot regulate itself.

So I'm all the way over here in Salta with my parents in Atlanta. My parent's cell phone sat -- as usual -- battery drained on my dad's desk at home and no one's checking e-mail. Had I been in Atlanta, I would have hopped in the car and gone straight to the hosptial. Or better yet, I would let my mom take care of things in the emergency room while I went to the airport to track down their luggage.

Of course, it hasn't entirely escaped me that my parents luggage wouldn't have needed tracking had they not been on that flight from Argentina. Nonetheless.

So what did I do? I waited until my mom came home to answer the phone. I waited, because it was the only thing I could do.

I recently read an article on Worldhum by Rolf Potts about how to tell your family you want to travel long term. It's a solid article, well written with good advice, but geared primarily for people just graduating high school or perhaps college. It's not aimed at traveling families with children who need their grandparents.

Back in January, I had dinner with two friends I met in Buenos Aires. Alysa, a woman visiting for a month with her husband and kids. The other, Jo, a woman traveling alone in South America for six months. All three of us love traveling, love living abroad and each of us has at least one parent with a serious medical condition.

Over a couple bottles of really lovely Torrontes -- oddly, from the Jose Mounier vineyard we visited while in Cafayate this past week with my parents -- the three of us discussed the nature of leaving a sick family member behind while traveling. It's impossible to shake the feeling that if you go away, you may never see the person again. Perhaps you should stay, not travel,spend time with the person.

But Jo, her mother has been sick for over a decade. Should she have put all her travel plans on hold?

There will times you look back and know you did the right thing. Other times, you will look back and wish you had made a different choice. There's no way of knowing for sure at the moment. You just have to make the best decision you can with whatever information you have at the time.

So last night, Noah and I had a long talk about what to do. Should we stay or should we go?

This morning, I finally talked to my dad. You know what? He sounds great. Apparently what he needed was an additional dose of his medication to get those pituitary hormones back in balance. He gushed on and on about what a wonderful time he had with us in Argentina. It was the best vacation he's ever had. We did so many interesting things.

What a huge relief!

Last night, I looked on Lila's camera to see what she'd taken of my parents. I found a video at the Amphitheater, a huge rocky space outside of Cafayate, my dad doing a little birthday song and dance for Lila You see things like that with very different eyes when you know the person in the picture is in the hospital and you don't know why or what's going on.

This morning, I feel different. I'll soon forget the homesickness and isolation I felt last night. After all, I'm a traveler, we don't talk about such things

Comments

[Danielle]

I'm so glad your dad's ok!!

[Becca]

Hi Leigh,
Sounds really scary- I am glad to hear that your dad is ok! The video is REALLY sweet, nice to see your dad so happy!

[Victoria]

I've just discovered your site and it's full of interesting posts. We are planning a rtw trip with our three children to start in about 18 months and this is a topic that worries me. My dad has MS and my husband's parents are in their 70's and not 100% healthy. I guess you just have to cross each bridge as you come to it. I'm glad to hear your Dad is OK.

[Cheap Like Me]

Lovely post. So glad your dad is doing much better. And what a sweet video.

[Audrey]

I'm so sorry to hear about your father's recent spell in the hospital and scare. Our recent visit to the States to visit family really hit home that our parents (and grandparents) are not getting any younger. While we know that they wouldn't want us to stop our travels now, their health and being able to spend time with them when they do have their health does weigh on us.

I imagine that the experiences your parents had with you in Argentina will fill them with stories and excitement for a long time. That's also something special.

[JoAnna]

Thanks for the thoughtful post. When I travel, I live in the moment, and it can be so easy to forget that there is a world with people and animals I love and things that should get my attention beyond where I am at that moment. You've brought up a good point about traveling in general, and I appreciate that you've shared it with us.

[Russo]

Solid post as usual!!

Glad to hear your dad's doing fine and things are back in order. I totally agree with your beginning and end statement about the unwritten rule(s) of travel. I can't even begin to imagine the shock, disbelief, fear, etc, of being so far away while a loved one is in the hospital.

Those are just some chances one takes while traveling however; just have to roll with the punches (a lot easier said then done, I know).

Well Leigh, I hope you and your family the best and as Audrey posted above; I'm sure the experience they had in Argentina is something they will forever cherish and remember.

[John]

Thanks for sharing! Glad to hear your Dad is doing better!

[jen laceda]

Oh my god, I almost cried reading your post. Almost cried...but glad to know your dad is OK. I know what you mean when you said that you look at someone differently (in a video or photo) after a "close call". Sometimes I look at my parents and think, "what if something happened to either one of them? I would be utterly devastated? How would I handle it?" Then I feel sad for a moment, but then we all go on...
Thanks for an inspiring post.

[Lilly]

Great post. I am glad to hear your father is okay. It’s at a moment like that when one realizes how important life is. You are reminded to treasure life and those close to you. I’m certain your father had a wonderful time and glad he got the chance to spend Lila’s birthday with her. I’m sure it’s an experience he will cherish forever. A great experience will always over look small misfortunes.

Also, I feel home is where ever you make it. Even though your parents are far away, you have your daughter and husband by your side. You will get to watch Lila grow and experience life (a truly wonderful experience). “Home” isn’t a location it’s a state of mind. It’s the feeling of comfort and happiness. If you stay at a location long enough it will become home. A bit cliché but home is where the heart is and your heart can be in many different places at once.

[Leigh Shulman]

Thanks, Becca. I know. My Dad is his most happy when hanging out with Lila (and us).

[Leigh Shulman]

I agree. Travel usually forces you to be in the moment. And it's very liberating too, to not worry about what happened and what might happen.

Then life comes along to remind you that not everything is a fun adventure. Perhaps, though, seeing the world in that in-the-moment way helps ease through the times when it's almost impossible not to worry.

[Leigh Shulman]

What a lovely response. Really so touching and so true. Yes, you're right, home is where the heart is. And maybe, cliches come to exist because they do reflect our reality.

[Leigh Shulman]

Thank you to all, Becca, John, Jen, Lilly, Carlos, JoAnna, Audrey, Victoria, Danielle and Cheap for your wishes and thoughtful comments. This blog and the internet has really become such a wonderful community. I thank you for that as well.

[Luciana Misura]

Leigh, I'm glad to hear your dad is feeling better. What you experienced is inevitable though, unless you live forever in the same city where your family lives, you might not be there when a loved one gets sick. And who is to say that even living next to family your whole life someone is not going to have a heart attack the moment you go on that short 1 week trip? We never know. I comfort myself thinking that I have a great relationship with my family, much better than a lot of people who live at arms' reach from each other. Distance doesn't change that!

[Carolina]

Being such a long way from family just plain, old sucks sometimes. I'm glad to hear your dad is doing better. Funny that you're in Argentina, so far away from your family, and I'm here in California, so far away from most of my family in Argentina. But my situation is different, because I grew up so far away from them, as an immigrant. To this day, I have a love/hate relationship with airports. When I got on a plane after a visit to Argentina, I never knew when I'd see a family member again. It was crushing. The airport was the last place I saw my aunt, cousin, grandparents before they died. But while it's sad to be so far away, you learn to live with that reality. I don't think my parents would trade their life here, or move back.

[Leigh Shulman]

That's exactly how I felt about my family in South Africa. I was born there but moved to the US when I was 5 (just about Lila's age). Same thing with my grandparents. And because of the distance and expense, you can't just hop on a plane for everything that happens. I'm always trying to balance my love of travel with wanting to move back to the US to be near family.