I Am (Almost) Speechless

I am feeling particularly sorry for myself this evening.

The day began like any other. Lila had oatmeal for breakfast. I did yoga. Noah made lunch. And then around noon, I started feeling really shaky. Really bad. I lay down for a while, felt a bit better, then went into town to pick up Lila and run errands.

By the time I got home, though, I realized I needed a doctor. Dennis, the man who owns Casa Amarilla, the hotel where we stayed on first returning to Bocas, suggested I go to the emergency room.

It was a long wait, but eventually I was clearly diagnosed with a raging urinary tract infection.

A note of too much information: by the time I gave a urine sample, it was the color of cherry Kool-Aid. Just seeing it made the pain I was in harder to ignore).

The doctor told me I had "mucho infecciones." Mucho mucho. If 6-8 is normal, I registered at a whopping 7100. What? 7100? Is that even possible? Did I misunderstand?

But that isn't really what this post is about. It's just the preamble to what happened when I got back to the house.

When I got back, almost four hours later than I left, I found Noah and Lila watching TV. They got up to greet me at the door. I told the story of my long waiting room wait then asked for just some time to sit alone outside to unwind. Ok, not really to unwind, to feel sorry for myself.

To sit there and wish that I was back in our apartment in Brooklyn in our comfortable bed from IKEA, where Dr Lowe is right nearby, a doctor I trust and can understand. Where I feel safe when sick.

By the time Lila came out to ask me if I wanted a glass of water, I was actually crying.

"Yes, my sweet, I'd love one."

She returned a minute later with a full glass.

"Now you drink this," she said. "It will make you feel better."

I thanked her. She continued. "Mama, why are you crying?" It always gets me when she calls me Mama.

"Because I don't feel so good," I told her.

"Maybe if I give you a hug, you'll feel better.

"Yes, I think it will." And she gave me one of her sweet hugs followed by an even sweeter kiss.

"Mama. You sit here and take a time out and drink your water, and when you're ready, you come inside and you can have some matza ball soup -- Noah made if for me -- and then you will can feel better."

She ran back to give me another hug.

"How did I get so lucky," I asked her. "To have a daughter who takes such good care of me?"

She folded her arms as if holding a baby. "When I was a baby," she replied. "You made me happy."

I am almost in tears again as I write the words she said to me. How is it that an almost 4-year old can know so much?

And so, I am still feeling a bit sorry for myself. I'm still hurting and dreading the next time I have to go to the bathroom as well as my next five visits to the hospital. But that will pass. I'll forget how I feel now, and this whole day will become another funny story of our travels. The day I had to go to the emergency room and figure things out in Spanish with my Kool-Aid pee.

Or it will be the day Lila showed me how I take care of her by taking care of me.

Now, if you'll excuse me, it's Lila's bedtime, and I don't want to miss out on reading her bedtime story.

Comments

[reg]

love it..and thanks for the thoughtful iraq questions on ub...

[Judy]

I sympathize with the UT infection. I had one like that when I was pregnant (many moons ago). Came on frighteningly quickly, incredibly painful - thought I was losing the baby. Being really sick in unfamiliar surroundings is very scary.

But what a wonderful reaction from your daughter. You are obviously doing a great job of raising her right.

Drink lots and stay well.